I am someone that loves the feeling of accomplishment followed by hard work. I am a dreamer, and I love to reach goals that I didn’t think I could. When Nic and I started our family I’m not going to lie, I struggled. Scarlett was a hard baby, and as a nurse I was used to assessing a situation and knowing how to intervene. Well, motherhood isn’t always that simple. She cried A LOT, and there wasn’t a lot I could do. I was afraid to take her anywhere because it stressed me out, and we were an hour and a half from family. It led me to staying home 99% of the time, and for someone with my personality, that was HARD. I struggled with postpartum anxiety and felt like I was losing my identity.

While I was pregnant I assumed I would just pack her up and take her wherever I went, but reality just didn’t go that way for me. I felt like I was going to have to put my dreams on hold until I was out of the “growing my family” phase. Don’t get me wrong. I LOVED being a mother and bonded instantly with Scarlett, but I wanted to do it all, and I wanted to do it well.

Turns out the enemy knew I would respond negatively to those thoughts of failure and inadequacy. He wanted to steal, kill, and destroy my dreams while also clouding my view of that precious season I was in with my family. Looking back, that was a hard time. I had no idea what I was doing, but one thing remained the same, God never left me to do my job as a mother and wife alone. 

Our outlook on life can change quickly. Finding joy is all about perspective. When I shifted my focus and let go of MY expectations and instead focused on His, everything changed.

I have always felt the desire to do mission work, to do SOMETHING BIG to grow His kingdom, but I didn’t really know what exactly. I just knew my desire was to do His work and tell people about the love of Jesus they had the opportunity to cling to for eternity. I feel like it took me years to get here, and some days are still hard, but now I clearly see that the mission field that is most important is located within the walls of my home. It starts with ministering to my children.

Mothers have a HUGE responsibility. One we so easily can take for granted. We have been called to raise the next generation and that comes with a responsibility we can only fulfill if we work together with the Holy Spirit. 

I want Scarlett and Reese to know that Jesus holds my heart. I want them to see that we are loved by Him and that His way is the best way. I want them to grow up knowing their creator is the One who tells them who they are and what they are worth. I want them to visibly see me each day being changed by His Word.

I don’t want them to see me depleted all the time because I’m striving to be the perfect mom, wife, friend, etc. That’s not realistic.